


Now I'm Up in the Air

by fallouise



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gay denial, Outer Space Imagery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallouise/pseuds/fallouise
Summary: "Tomoe leaned her head back, squinting her eyes at a falling object. That was when a piece of the sky landed on Tomoe, and she was floored, unable to escape from her feelings. Her chest hurt, like she had trouble breathing, and it felt like she was being crushed by the enormity of it all."Tomoe and Himari are two recent high school graduates, coming to terms that there is more than college creating space between them. It's a lot to take in for the both of them.





	Now I'm Up in the Air

**Author's Note:**

> Inspirations: [Me & You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdxDjtwdCU) by Honne, [this lovely fan art](https://twitter.com/enlwnaos/status/1009153338561056768), Shimanami Tasogare's use of extended metaphors and imagery, and stumbling across the name Monty Oum along the way.
> 
> kudos to dani (miss [dllnllb](https://twitter.com/dllnllb) on twotter), who I initially traded ideas for this fic with sometime back in June!

Gravity suspended, Himari Uehara imagined herself floating into outer space.

Her weightless legs rolled with momentum, and she flipped around as a loose cannonball in this vast, giant expanse of nothingness. The stars slid over her helmet alongside her tumbling. Blue, white, and pink, the stars and planets were limitless in their beauty. The twinkle of their distant lights entranced her, and she stretched an arm out in a futile attempt to touch any of them. The only thing she accomplished was slowing her spatial somersault, and the stars glimmered, as if to laugh at her.

Himari watched the cosmos within the safety of her space suit. At least she didn’t have to reach the stars to enjoy them.

So she closed her eyes, losing herself in the feeling. Her stomach did backflips on its own, as if she were on a rollercoaster, but it felt neither uncomfortable enough to complain about nor did Himari want to wish it away. In fact, the funny sensations in her stomach made her want to… laugh? It left her giddy, as if the sheer enormity of outer space were affecting not only her stomach but her brain along with it. Soon it would go for her heart, and she didn’t know how to react if her heart began somersaulting as well.

The stars continued to laugh at her. Himari puffed out her cheeks into a pout, knowing full well that her voice wouldn’t reach beyond her helmet.

That was it.

No more floating aimlessly, even if it was fun, even if Himari felt an uncanny gleefulness overcome her. Nope. She would not put up with it anymore. She tucked her legs in and, as if she were soaring off a springboard, Himari propelled herself forward—at least, what she assumed was that direction. It was hard to tell when every direction continued infinitely. Oh jeez, she might end up rolling around for no good reason again.

But that wasn’t the point! What mattered was that—in this grand, infinitesimal universe—Himari Uehara decided to move towards something.

Himari braced herself for impact.

And found herself landing on a soft mattress, sinking into its white sheets as her weight deformed the perfect bedding. Was that memory foam? Himari punched a fist on the bed, lifting it to see the impression of her knuckles. Oh no. It was memory foam. She would  _melt_ into this bed if she didn’t resist.

“Himari,” chided a kind voice behind her. Looking over her shoulder stood a tall girl, red hair slung to one side and arms crossed as she reprimanded Himari. “I don’t think we can jump on Ikea beds. They’re just for display, aren’t they?”

“Are they, Tomoe? Are they really?” she tested the waters, and when her best friend simply raised her eyebrows in disbelief, Himari noted the leeway in their conversation. It wasn’t like Tomoe didn’t want her to have fun; Tomoe told her that because she was  _supposed_ to play off Himari’s antics. This was a dance that Himari knew like the back of her hand.

For example. The firm confirmation by Tomoe: “Most places let you touch the bed by hand, yeah? If the employees had to tidy up each time someone jumped on these beds, that would be a little unfair.”

The curious disbelief: “I didn’t see anything that said I  _couldn’t_  be here. Unless you did?”

Tomoe shifted so that her hands were on her hips now. Wearing a burgundy button-up and tight-fitting jeans, Tomoe had the airs of a mature adult disapproving of a teen’s actions. Really, the fact that Himari was wearing a loose sweater with nothing but a bra underneath and some shorts wasn’t helping the image. Himari pouted. It wasn’t like Tomoe had told her that she was dressing up for a day at Ikea. It was unfair.

Then the expression on Tomoe’s face shifted as her eyes glanced to the side and her frown let up. “Well, no. I guess I didn’t see anything. But you know we aren’t supposed to be doing this.”

Himari patted the bed. “What if no one sees us? Besides…” She made eye contact with Tomoe as she threw the final blow, “it’s memory foam.”

Moments such as Tomoe’s face absolutely crumbling at the mention of memory foam were moments when Himari wished she had her phone camera on hand. The other girl had relented, and here she was, climbing onto the bed on all fours as she revelled in how soft, how deliciously soft the bed was. Aw. Jeez, Himari couldn’t ruin the mood by pulling out her phone. She rolled onto her back, keeping an eye on Tomoe as she continued to knead the bed with her hands.

“You’re such a kid,” Himari teased as Tomoe performed a stunning elbow drop onto the bed. Nothing about the girl exuded the mature aura from before. No, right now, Tomoe was her best friend again.

At that realization, Himari felt it again. Floating into the stars as it left her awestruck and speechless. Were there enough words to describe the weightlessness of space? There couldn’t be, not when all she could focus on was the way her entire body seemed to get lost in it. It was pretty, she thought, the blue world she drifted from was pretty. If she closed her eyes, then… No, wait!! On earth was where Himari was born and raised, and on earth was where she spent time with Tomoe. That was irreplaceable. She couldn’t float away now, not when Tomoe was beside her.

Himari reached out, shuffling closer so that she could throw an arm over Tomoe. Her fingers tangled with the ends of red hair.

Tomoe adjusted herself so that her head was propped up by an elbow, unfazed as Himari clung to her. “You’re one to talk, when I’m here babysitting you.”

“Take that back, you bully,” she pouted, digging her nails into Tomoe’s back.

“Ouch! Himari?! S-Stop!!” Tomoe twisted her body away from her hand, and Himari followed through, her other hand coming to tickle Tomoe’s side. The kneejerk reaction was immediate as Tomoe squirmed at her touch. A giggle escaped Himari despite her ruthless onslaught. This was too good, Himari thought. How could anyone get tired of spending time with Tomoe?

Fingers brushed against Tomoe’s abdomen and the girl quivered with laughter. Himari took advantage of her friend’s moment of weakness to prod her stomach. Tomoe covered her own mouth with one hand, stifling her raucous laughter, while her other hand caught Himari by the wrist. In one fluid motion, Tomoe flipped Himari so that she was above her.

Himari felt weightless despite being held down by Tomoe.

Her hand on Tomoe’s stomach slipped away when she felt abs flex. Ever since the girl had picked up bodybuilding in their last year at Haneoka, her muscles had  _skyrocketed_ from lean to impressively toned within a few months.

“I asked you to stop!” Tomoe scolded, her breath heavy from the tickling. Toned muscles, a mature aura—Tomoe was a catch. As the start of their first semester at university neared, Himari expected that guys would line up to take her on dates. It was too bad that Himari was accepted to a different university. Who else could Tomoe trust to root out all the gross boys? “Are you even listening?”

“You deserve that for teasing me,” Himari countered, looking up at a disgruntled face. “you dummy.”

“You know I don’t mean it,” Tomoe exhaled, not moving from her position above her.

They held the moment, Tomoe staring down at her, and Himari having no choice but to be locked in place by Tomoe’s arms. Of  _course_ she knew Tomoe didn’t mean anything malicious by it. There wasn’t a mean bone in that attractive, muscled body of hers. It was frustrating, knowing how good of a person Tomoe was. Even when she grew too intense or felt too passionate, Tomoe always came from a good place in her heart.

“I know you don’t,” Himari squeaked out between puckered lips. She turned her head to the side, finding that Tomoe’s hands were clenched into fists.

“Do you?” Why was Tomoe whispering? Himari glanced up to find Tomoe staring at her with a weird expression on her face. Suddenly Himari was aware of how close the two of them were. During their scuffle, Tomoe had come to straddle her, and with a hand still wrapped around her wrist, Himari couldn’t wiggle her way out of this.

“Yeeeah? We’ve known each other long enough to know when we’re joking,” Himari smiled carefully, even though she didn’t know what to be cautious of. When Tomoe didn’t follow with a smile of her own, she felt words bubble at her throat, voicing comfort to whatever was bothering her friend. “At least I hope that’s the case! You should speak up if something came up. Don’t go all silent and Ran-like on me, okay?”

A beat passed.

Then Tomoe scrunched her nose at that, and finally, that was a Tomoe-look that was more in Himari’s comfort zone. “Ran would kill you if they heard that.”

“Good thing it’s just us and the rest of Ikea, right?”

The anxiety in her stomach unraveled when Tomoe fell beside her, shuffling onto her side so that they were facing each other. “Right. Us, the rest of Ikea, and this memory foam,” Tomoe said with a gentle smile playing on her lips.

It was the same smile she wore on Ako’s first day of high school, as if she had a friendly little secret she didn’t mind keeping to herself. It reached her eyes. With that kind of smile, Himari thought that Tomoe could just about cry, and it tugged at her heart, wanting to wipe unshed tears.

Whether or not Tomoe had something else on her mind, Himari let it slide for now.

This was why Himari couldn’t leave Tomoe alone, after all. This girl spent so much time looking out for others that she forgot to have someone watching her back.

Tomoe closed her eyes as Himari faced the ceiling once more, and then it really was just them, the rest of Ikea, and memory foam. They succumbed to the sweet, utter bliss of the bed. Fellow shoppers of Swedish-founded Ikea Home Furnishings walked passed them without comment. A few kids whispered about them to their parents.

If this bed was Tomoe-approved-and-certified, then it was a done deal for Himari. There was just no better bed for her to buy.

On the brink of college lives about to begin, Himari wanted to hold these moments close. Sure, she wasn’t moving far, and Tomoe was staying local, but it was change. And change, as it remained to be seen, was a giant hurdle for childhood friends who’ve only known things “as they’ve always been.” Himari wanted to spend the remaining time with people that mattered to her. That meant, above all, that she wanted more time with one Tomoe Udagawa.

Himari clutched her chest, heart somersaulting and leaving her tingly and weightless. Traveling into the unknown outer space would not be easy, especially when it constantly stole her breath away.

“Umm, excuse me, ladies?” A nasally employee rubbed his sweaty hands together. “If you could get off the bed, we would appreciate that.”

“I told you,” Tomoe rubbed it in smugly, not even bothering to open her eyes.

“You’re complicit! It was the memory foam!!” Tomoe gave no response as Himari made eye contact with the boy. The Ikea employee stared at her, a dumbfounded expression on his dumb face. Himari hastily turned to Tomoe. She was already walking down the aisle. “Tooomoee, you bully!”

…

Tomoe imagined that her life had not begun until she landed on solid ground.

A grassy field sloped up into a hill, with nothing but a solitary tree and a lonesome swing hanging by its branch. A stranger on new land, Tomoe traced her fingers against the tree bark. The tree was old. Cracks ran up and down the tree trunk, and from the slightest pressure, the tree flaked under her touch. She pressed her palm onto the tree.

It was as if all her time wandering fruitlessly was at an end. She found a tree that, just like herself, wanted a sanctuary to take root in. Had already found one, in fact.

Tomoe sat on the swing. She tested if it could hold her weight, before wrapping her fingers around the rope and winding her legs backward. She straightened her legs as the momentum dragged her forward, and she continued this, until she had gained height.

She was nearly going horizontal from swinging, coming face to face with the bluest sky.

This bluest sky intimidated Tomoe. With its lack of clouds and nothing in sight along the horizon, the sky seemed a larger entity compared to the rest of the world. When Tomoe swung forward and upward, it frightened her to imagine that she could lose composure and fall into the sky. If that happened, would she be able to return? Or would she be lost forever, crashing face first against the unending blue?

Her fingers tightened around the rope, grounding herself to the swing, to the tree, to the solid earth that gave a sense of security. Tomoe understood this. Here, Tomoe understood where she stood in the grand scheme of things, when her two feet were on earth and she could see what was in front of her.

For Tomoe Udagawa, she would do just about anything to keep this solid ground from being uprooted.

Tomoe jutted her heels against dirt, her feet skidding from momentum as she brought the swing to a halt. Huh. Despite time wearing the tree and this swing down from disuse, it had managed to hold her up rather well.

The thought that time did not weaken these bonds gave Tomoe a silly childish bravery. It overtook her, provoking a brash energy out of her as she placed her feet onto the swing’s seat. Before she could hesitate, Tomoe began swaying her body. The swing, the tree, the ground beneath her—it wasn’t enough just to appreciate these things. She would be stronger, with the foundation she was given to stand on.

Just as her swinging reached its peak, her hands raw from holding the rope so tightly and red hair a defiant rebellion against the bluest sky, she felt the swing slacken.

The wooden board beneath her feet fell away.

Tomoe was falling backwards, a victim to the laws of gravity.

At least that meant she wouldn’t get lost in the sky, the secondhand thought came to her, closing her eyes to the sight of that bluest blue. The sky seared itself into her eyelids, as if to remind her that just beyond her comfort was a looming sense of feeling lost. Of having nowhere to be, or a destination to go. Compared to the thumping of her heart at that thought, getting a few scratches from the ground wasn’t a big deal at all.

She expected the collision to hurt.

Then her head knocked against the back of a reclining chair.

“Guh,” Tomoe smacked her lips together, swallowing her saliva and looking at her surroundings. A darkened room. A giant screen, with the credits rolling backset to English songs. Oh. She fell asleep at the theaters.

“I knew you wouldn’t like this movie,” Himari berated, wrapping her arms around her knees and curling up in her chair. Tomoe turned to the other girl as the lights came on. It was a western chick flick about a daughter learning more about her mom and three dads. Or the sequel of that? Tomoe hadn’t watched the first one and Himari couldn’t explain the entire thing during the previews. “I don’t know why you agreed to watch with me.”

“You caught me,” Tomoe admitted under her breath as the rest of the audience left the theater. Reaching across to pinch Himari on the cheek, Tomoe spoke up as the house cleared, “I know Tsugu’s more of the go-to person for these kinds of things, but you saw her.”

“I know, I knowww. Ran and her are going to that Roselia concert, and with backstage passes! Wow. We never had those for our concerts,” Himari pried Tomoe’s hand away from her face, standing up from her seat.

“That’d make us something like cult classics, huh? Our fans only realized how great we were after our last concert,” Tomoe laughed, following Himari outside. Now in broad daylight, Himari stretched her arms above her head, and Tomoe took the opportunity to look at her. A loose-fitting blouse, dark leggings. The years had given Himari time to grow into herself. Her hair was even braided to one side. When did she start playing around with her hair more? Tomoe didn’t notice it until now. Feeling her mouth go dry, she continued, “We’d have our own trivia bubble in the history books.”

“You’re just tarnishing Afterglow’s legacy when you talk about the band like that. Weren’t we destined for Budokan?!” Himari slapped her shoulder lightly. Tomoe pretended to reel from the hit, holding the offended shoulder as Himari rolled her eyes. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here with me.”

Tomoe raised her hands in surrender. “Consider me a willing substitute for Tsugu. I’ll even buy you a crepe as an apology for sleeping in the theaters,” she coaxed Himari to start walking, slinging an arm over her shoulder when the girl crossed her arms. If Himari were  _truly_  mad, then she would’ve shrugged Tomoe off. She would have been vocal about it too, so that Tomoe knew how exactly she angered her. But Tomoe’s arm stayed around Himari, and they continued walking.

When Himari didn’t speak, Tomoe shook her by the shoulders. Just how much was she hoping to squeeze out of this? “I’ll let you fill me in on the movie.”

“You’ll watch the first one with me?” Himari leaned into her. An arm creeped around Tomoe’s waist.

“I don’t have the attention span for subtitles at all, y’know,” Tomoe complained as they turned at the corner, towards the part of downtown with food stalls. It was a cute circle of local vendors. Parents shepherded their kids, and high schoolers loitered in groups, taking pictures of their desserts. Somewhere within the crowd there was room for two recent high school graduates, having a friend date just like any other day.

Friend date, and nothing more? Tomoe’s heart felt too small in her chest, thumping and beating and reminding her of things she didn’t need to be told twice. She’d already accepted her fate, after all.

Himari interjected loudly, “Ugh, what do you have against  _Mamma Mia_?!”

“Nothing!! I’m sure Mia is just fine!” When she felt Himari’s arms encircle her, Tomoe wanted to laugh. Was she holding her hostage, or preventing her escape? Then, as she stared down at Himari’s puffed out cheeks and furrowed brow, and as she felt Himari’s fingers tighten just a little more around her waist, she felt gravity increase. With every step, Tomoe imagined that she could collapse under the weight of her emotions. She’d have to compromise quickly with this stubborn girl before it was too late. “Look, I guess I can sit around, maybe.”

“Hooray!” Himari squeezed her, before releasing her captive and skipping ahead towards the crepe stall. “I’ll have you singing Abba before you know it.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” Tomoe released a breath as Himari ordered her crepe. Tomoe herself, however, could not follow, not when she realized her legs were frozen in place. Did gravity always take so much out of her? Practically immobile, Tomoe had no choice but to watch Himari from behind, giggling at something that the young guy at the counter had said.

He was probably around their age. Maybe older?

It felt like a punch in the gut.

She was reminded that it wasn’t just distance that would come between them when Himari left for college.

Her throat constricted, and she balled her hands into her pockets. Tomoe avoided any sudden movements, because she wasn’t sure what would happen if she rolled with that momentum. She wasn’t sure if she could trust her thoughts. Delicately, as if peeling an envelope open so that it wouldn’t rip, Tomoe looked up to the sky.

Here she was, enjoying her time on Planet Earth, when Himari had the rest of the universe to explore.

“Tomoe! I got my crepe,” Himari called, wrenching her away from the bluest sky and back into reality. “Aren’t you going to order yours?”

Her heel hit the ground, and now she was moving forward, coming up to stand beside Himari. Tomoe fished for her wallet in the pocket of her jeans, slipping the boy the money quickly. They’d come to this place often enough for Tomoe to know the prices like the back of her hand. “I’ll, uh, have some of yours?” Tomoe mumbled. She just didn’t want to be at this crepe stall anymore.

“Mine?” Himari looked at her crepe, her face pulling into a frown. The crepe was stuffed strawberries and marshmallows and sprinkled with chocolate syrup. “You should’ve told me. I would’ve added something with more flavor if I knew we were sharing.”

“Nah,” Tomoe disagreed, throwing an arm over Himari’s shoulders once again and directing her towards the benches. “I want what you’re having.”

“Have a nice day!” The boy spoke up from the crepe stall.

Tomoe lifted her other arm in farewell. But she kept her arm around Himari, not moving away until they were on the bench and it didn’t feel like Himari might go where she couldn’t follow. And even then, Tomoe stayed near enough that their knees knocked together. Little things, like their feet on the ground and having Himari near—these reminded Tomoe that she wasn’t losing sight of the things dear to her. That things weren’t changing too quickly.

And the girl beside her never wavered, scooping some of the cream and holding it up to Tomoe. Raising her chin so that she could, in some way, look down at Tomoe, Himari fluttered her eyelashes. “Ahem. Since you paid, I’ll let you have the first bite, okay?”

“I’m honored,” Tomoe played along. Ducking her head, she ate the cream, resting a hand behind Himari so that she could lean closer.

They turned their eyes to the circle of vendors, tucked away as a local sanctuary. Kids growing up in the neighborhood would drag their parents here, and every high schooler at least knew of the place. Tomoe passed by with Afterglow plenty of times. The food wasn’t anything noteworthy, but it was convenient, and in the area, which that meant that it was special in its own way.

Tomoe felt her lips twitch into a smile.

She just graduated, right? She could afford to be sentimental.

“Did you end up buying that Ikea bed?” Tomoe asked. The background noise of vendors cooking food and ringing up customers washed over them.

“Yup. Mom was expecting something pricier, so she wasn’t complaining,” Himari hummed as she bit into the crepe. She pressed a hand to her cheek, melting into the sweet dessert. Once she swallowed the bite, she angled the crepe towards Tomoe. “Can you believe that? I’m a college student now! I think about money too.”

Tomoe bit into the crepe, licking the chocolate syrup off her lips. In between chewing, she spoke, “She’s just worried, is all. That’s why she asked me to go with you.”

Himari jabbed the spoon in her direction. “You liar! I was the one who invited you.”

“To carry the boxes for you?” Tomoe teased, taking the spoon from Himari and picking up a strawberry. She popped it into her mouth.

“No! Because,” Himari took another stubborn bite and chewed furiously. She trained her eyes on the ground, swinging her legs back and forth. “because you’ll be visiting me, so I wanted a bed we both liked.”

“Yeah?” Tomoe asked casually. She hoped that was how it came off at least, because it felt as if the sky was falling on her, and her heart was sprinting, racing for cover from the onslaught. She placed the spoon between her teeth. She leaned her arms onto the back of the bench. And Tomoe didn’t dare glance up at the sky, afraid of what the falling sky meant. So instead she looked at Himari and grinned. “Here I was thinking it was the memory foam.”

Himari turned on her immediately, shaking the half-eaten crepe at her. “Ooh, I was being serious! I’m never ever leaving you alone, Tomoe.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tomoe leaned her head back, squinting her eyes at a falling object. That was when a piece of the sky landed on Tomoe, and she was floored, unable to escape from her feelings. Her chest hurt, like she had trouble breathing, and it felt like she was being crushed by the enormity of it all. While Himari focused on the crepe once again, Tomoe was trapped.

That was it, wasn’t it? She was in love with a girl who could never return her feelings.

Tomoe had already accepted that her feelings wouldn’t fade come graduation. At this point, all she wanted was to send Himari off without regrets, but with the future creeping up on them, her emotions just grew more insistent. What once felt grounding was now crushing her heart. What could Tomoe do, then? Confessing wouldn’t lead to anything besides hurt feelings. And with the clock ticking down before Himari moved away, that was the last thing either of them needed.

“Hey, Tomoe?” Himari sounded so far away.

“S’up?” She answered, trying in vain to pry the sky off her.

“I don’t think you’re a substitute for Tsugu. Even if you fall asleep during the good parts,” Himari peeked into her field of vision, and just like that, the sky rolled off Tomoe. The bluest sky disappeared to wherever it came from. She breathed in deep, looking at the concerned expression on Himari’s face.

“What brought this on?” Tomoe blinked at her. Now that she wasn’t overwhelmed, she could see Himari clearly. The crepe was finished, and the napkin was rolled into a ball. How long was she preoccupied with herself?

“Hehe,” Himari chuckled to the side, in the way that she does when confronting something. “Lately, you get this sad look on your face, Tomoe. I don’t wanna push if it’s anything personal, but I can’t leave you alone! If it’s anything I can help with, I’ll be right here for you, you got it? You’ve got me on your side!” She reached out and removed the spoon from Tomoe’s mouth.

“Nothing gets past you, leader,” Tomoe admitted, a lazy smile making its way on her face.

“I would  _hope_  nothing does. But seriously. Is it anything I can help with?” Both Himari and Tomoe got on their feet and began walking down the street. Himari pocketed the trash so that she could throw it away later.

And for a moment, Tomoe considered it. To be truthful, to come out to Himari and air her feelings out. For a moment, she let herself imagine what it’d be like to get it off her chest—and it felt weightless, as if floating towards the sky. It was so pain-achingly tempting. The words might as well have been on her lips.

Then Tomoe glanced at the earth below and remembered that there was the aftermath waiting post-confession.

Her feet stayed on the ground.

Her arm hooked around Himari’s.

“Just stick with me,” Tomoe said without looking at the other girl. “As long as we have each other’s backs, then things will turn out okay in the long run. That’s what I like to think, at least.”

Himari slid her hand down to intertwine their fingers. She sounded happy as she answered with a simple “I think so, too.” Knowing that in this moment, Himari shared her feelings gave Tomoe solid ground to stand on. She had imagined how university would increase the distance between them that she hadn’t realized that Himari was working to keep them close.

And even if she was holding back, Tomoe was happy too.

…

“The ammo is in the garage.”

Himari’s breath tickled her ear, and Tomoe swatted her away. They were crouched behind the sofa with Nerf guns close at hand, as they formed their next plan of attack. Their location: the Udagawa household. The first thing of note: it was spacious. In one perspective it meant that the house never felt crowded; in another, it meant that the house was a bloody battlefield.

Confronted with sparse cover, the former members of Afterglow resorted to pure mechanical aim and the ability to dodge. Nothing but skill was involved in this war.

“Down the hall and past the living room. That’s our goal,” Tomoe whispered, inspecting her N-Strike. There were three bullets left, barely enough ammo for each of their opponents. Granted, of course, that Tomoe didn’t miss her shots. She poked at the foam. That just meant that she’d have to make each bullet count. “The second floor overlooks the living room, so we have to be careful of snipers.”

“That’d definitely be Tsugu. If she catches us, we’re toast,” Himari shuddered at the thought.

“Don’t get cold feet on me now, okay?!” Tomoe grasped her by the shoulder. At first, everyone had fended for themselves in this cruel and harsh Nerf war, but it was Himari who approached her first with her gun lowered. How could she say no to that, much less shoot her? She smiled at Himari. “We watch each other’s backs, then we’ll make it.”

Himari nodded, smiling grimly in return. “Yeah!! It’s us against the rest of the world. Or at least our friends until dinner.”

“Until dinner,” Tomoe confirmed. She peeked over the couch, finding that the kitchen was clear of enemies. The moment they rounded the corner and walked into the hall, however, there would be no turning back. “Want water before we go?”

“I’m good! Thanks, though.” With that, they set their plan to action.

Leading their duo, Tomoe signaled with a flick of her wrist that she was moving forward. They snuck around to the hall, with their knees bent and legs spread, listening for any sounds. There was none, save for the shuffling of their weight on the floor boards. Luckily, both Himari and Tomoe knew which areas on the floor to avoid creaks. They navigated the hallway with ease.  _Too_ much ease.

It was as if they were walking into the lair of the final boss. They came up to the living room.

“W-Wahaha, I was expecting you two!” boomed a voice from the second floor. Tomoe straightened her back, finger on the trigger and ready to fire.

A Nerf bullet whizzed past, sticking to the floor in front of Tomoe.

“Shoot,” Himari held her gun up feebly. “She found us.”

“We know it’s you, Tsugu!” Tomoe called out. Carefully, they skirted on the edge of the living room. On the other corner of the room was the door leading to the garage, but there was no way they could reach that without also coming into sightlines of the infamous sniper of Afterglow past. There were rumors that her time with a certain girl had increased her aim by 35%. She used less ammo, because her shots were that deadly.

In short, they were at Tsugumi’s mercy.

They had to be smart about this. Tsugumi was good, alright, but she wasn’t perfect. She had chinks in the armor. One of which was the same reason she was so accurate in Nerf wars: her girlfriend. “I didn’t get the chance to ask before, but how was the Roselia concert?” Tomoe tested.

She received no answer, besides the sound of a snipe gun reloading. Tomoe felt Himari clutch the edge of her shirt. Oh no. She was getting to their nerves.

“Heyy, Tsugu,” Himari choked out. Tsugumi made no sign of answering.

It was hopeless, and Tomoe knew it. “Himari?”

“Yeah?”

Tomoe reached a hand towards the sofa. “Grab a pillow. We’re making a run for it.” There was no other way but forward. If they lingered in the living room, Tsugumi would win the mental battle, and Tomoe didn’t want to stick around to see that happen. “Ready?”

“Tomoe?! We’ll never make it! Tsugu will shoot our blind spots before we realize it,” Himari sniffled, her hands coming up to clench Tomoe desperately.

“Then I’ll protect you! One of us has to make it out alive,” Tomoe turned on her, thrusting the pillow into Himari’s arms.

Himari shook her head, dropping the pillow and gun and coming to hug Tomoe. Tomoe didn’t hesitate, wrapping her arms around Himari and squeezing her. “I won’t go without you. There has to be another way…!”

Tsugumi could’ve shot them at that moment, for all Tomoe cared.

That was when the front door swung open.

“It was the Nerf war today?” A smooth voice asked as she entered. Purple hair cascading to the side, slick black clothes with striking red highlights—Ako sauntered into her home, taking in the sight of Tomoe and Himari tearfully hugging one another. “Oh God, did I walk in on the main character trying to sacrifice herself?”

“The main character is trying to prove herself here,” Tomoe waved at Ako, as the girl bent to pick up Himari’s gun. “Wanna join?”

Ako squinted as she aimed the gun at the wall, testing their well-worn toys. She twisted her waist and posed, as if she were shooting Tomoe. Aw, whoa. Ako had grown so much in two years. Once the growth spurt hit in her first year of high school, the cute Ako of short stature had disappeared. What stood in her place now was someone taller, and with a surprisingly natural grace to her that made everything look a little cooler. Even now, as she posed with the gun, Ako looked like a spy in a thriller movie.

All she needed now was a theme song.

“I have a phone call with Rinko soon, but I’ll join next time,” Ako handed the gun back to Himari, who was still pressed against Tomoe. She flashed a toothy grin over her back as she made her way towards to the staircase. “Hey, you’re looking super uncool there, sis. How are you protecting Himari if you’re letting her cry?”

“You’re the cool sister around here nowadays, Ako!” Tomoe threw the pillow in Ako’s direction. The next moment both sisters laughed, as if wanting to be cool and idolizing Tomoe were little inside jokes. Maybe they were. Maybe they could laugh at the silliness of it all because in these two short years, Tomoe learned to talk to Ako not only as her younger sister, but as equals.

“Tell Rinko I said hi too, Ako-chan!” Himari shouted after her.

“Sure thing!” Ako climbed the stairs in a few bounds, waving at their assailant. “Hey Tsugu-chin, wanna drop by my room after?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, I can do that, Ako-chan. What do you need me for?”

“I always ask Sayo about how you two are doing, but she’s so vague! She’s way too serious about you,” she complained as she leaned against the railing, animating her point with both hands. “But I figured she’s serious for a reason.”

“Sayo can be like that,” Tsugumi giggled. Far from her first-year self, Tsugumi had become a person who not only had the best spontaneous ideas ever, but the self-confidence to set them into motion. Her voice had a teasing lilt to it as she added, “We don’t do anything special when we’re together, though, besides avoid the bounty on her head and go on top secret missions together. And talk about feelings!”

“See, see, that’s exactly why we need to talk. What the heck? Talking about feelings is the best,” Ako moved away from the stairs—possibly to pat Tsugumi on the head? —before she left for her room. “Just come in whenever, Rinrin would love to catch up with you too.”

“Yeah! But first…” Tsugumi peeked down to the living room.

Only to find that Himari and Tomoe were halfway across the room.

“Think you can get away from me?!” She put on her best villain voice, aiming her Nerf N-Strike Longstrike CS-6 Dart Blaster™ at her prey.

Not a second later did a bullet land on Tomoe’s gun.

“Hold on a minute, Tsugu!” Tomoe yelled out in desperation. She had to play for weaknesses. Thinking fast, she turned towards the girl, raising her hands in surrender. “Please don’t shoot!!!”

“Tell me why!”

That was all she needed.

Tsugumi, for all her stupendous aim and heinous world crimes in this Nerf war, was still human. And humans, humans never changed.

“Because,” Tomoe said, waiting to hear Himari open the garage door. The door unlocked with a click. “I was stalling for time.”

She dove backwards into the garage, Tsugumi yelling after her.

Tomoe collided against a wall, but she survived the worst part of it. Tsugumi didn’t get her. Either of them. She collapsed onto the floor, letting gravity do its bidding as she remembered to breath.

“Toomoee!!” The brunt of Himari’s weight fell atop of her, and the girl hugged Tomoe in her anguish. Tomoe let her. She was the main character, right? If she beat the main villain, she got the girl, and they lived happily ever after. Tomoe dropped her gun to wrap an arm around her. Though Himari was hardly a damsel in distress. If anything, she probably got herself in the mess to begin with.

Angry fists hit her chest over and over. “We almost died! You tried sacrificing yourself. Tomoe, how could you?!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Tomoe laughed, pushing Himari by her shoulders so that she was sitting.

“Don’t do that again,” Himari warned. She raised her automatic Nerf pistol and pressed it against Tomoe’s clavicle. The muzzle dug into Tomoe’s shoulder. “If either of us go down, then we go down together.”

“Oh my God,” Tomoe whispered. She stared up at Himari with her eyebrows raised. “A suicide pact?”

She heard her heartbeat in her ears.

Everyone knew that this was all an act. Tomoe knew too, of course. But as Himari’s face broke into a self-satisfied smile, tossing a pink braid of hair over her shoulder, Tomoe had a single, conspiring thought cross her mind, and it was that Himari Uehara might be the death of her. It wasn’t the Nerf bullets, or old age. No, the girl in front of her had an iron grip on Tomoe’s lifeline.

Tomoe had yet to meet another person who made her feel the high’s and low’s of falling in love. It scared her just as much as it excited her—enough to make even a life-or-death situation sound plausible.

“Aw jeeez, Moca-chan was waiting to make her entrance, but it’s hopeless with you two,” drawled a sleepy voice to the side.

“Moca?! You were here the entire time?” Himari rolled onto her knees and stood up. Stashed along the far wall of the garage with all sorts of miscellaneous boxes was the Holy Grail of Nerf Wars. There it lay, the largely sought-after storage box, stuffed with every Nerf merchandise that one could need.

And sprawled in front of it was one Moca Aoba, who twiddled her fingers in greeting. “If you weren’t so wrapped up in each other, you would’ve noticed your dearest Moca much earlier.”

Tomoe got to her feet as well, coming forward to stand above Moca.

“Are you friendly?” Tomoe interrogated, readying her gun.

“Don’t be like that, Tomo-chinnn. You know I would never hurt anyone,” Moca rolled onto her stomach, kicking her legs up in the air. A Cheshire grin played on her lips, which was never a good sign. Himari seemed to think the same, as she stayed huddled from behind Tomoe. “You’re here to restock, aren’t ya? I was keeping it saaafe and tidy, just for you.”

Tomoe glanced over her shoulder. Himari shook her head, giving Moca a disappointed look. “We do need the ammo,” she admitted. “even if Moca’s suspicious.”

“Ouchie. Can’t trust an old friend?” Moca rolled towards the center of the garage, giving Tomoe and Himari the space to loot the storage box.

“Not in war, old friend. Not until you’ve proved it,” Tomoe lifted the cover, reveling at the stuffed box. They had their favorite guns on hand already. Instead, they grabbed the Ziploc bag full of bullets and began stuffing their pockets with heaps of it. Some in Himari’s front hoodie pocket, more in Tomoe’s jogging pants—they’d have enough to win the game if they played it cool.

Himari and Tomoe shared a look. The end was near.

“Sooo what you’re saying,” Moca mumbled. “is that I can tag along if I prove my loyalty?”

“Okay, smarty pants,” Himari rounded on the girl on the floor. Tomoe leaned against the wall in amusement, as Himari prodded Moca with her foot and made her squirm. Some things never changed. “how are you going to prove that? Tomoe and I almost died out there to Tsugu, I’ll have you know. We’re not letting just anyone join our party.”

“No bullying, Hiii-chann,” Moca clamped her arms around Himari’s leg. Despite Himari’s struggles, she couldn’t escape, and ended up falling beside her friend.

“Moca!!!” Himari’s shriek provoked a chuckle out of Tomoe. The two girls scuffled on the floor, with Himari trying to shove Moca away and Moca climbing atop of the girl. When Moca got the best of her and started sitting on her stomach, Himari turned to Tomoe. Her words were accusatory as she said, “You’re just letting this happen? I thought we were partners-!”

“Right, you’re right,” Tomoe pushed herself off the wall. In one swoop, she picked up Moca by the shoulders and made her stand as well. “Tell us, how are you gonna prove your loyalty, huh?”

“You said Tsugu’s camping out there, right? I know of a way to eliminate her,” Moca pressed an index finger to her chin, humming idly. She tugged her pants pockets inside-out, then checked the sleeves of her T-shirt, and when that didn’t prove fruitful, Moca turned to the storage box. After rummaging for a bit, she set aside two things: a Nerf gun, and her phone.

“Reinforcements won’t come in time, y’know,” Tomoe warned, trying to guess at the conclusion that Moca was heading for. “There’s only thirty minutes before my mom makes dinner.”

Moca waved her off. “Silly Tomo-chinnn, of course the great Moca-chan knows when dinner is.”

“Yeah, Tomo-chinnn. This is Moca we’re talking about here,” Himari elbowed her. Tomoe turned to find Himari smirking. What exactly did she have to be smug for? She was the one who lost to Moca of all people in wrestling.

“Where is this going, then!” Tomoe demanded as Moca sent a quick text.

Her phone vibrated immediately after.

“It has been done,” Moca slipped her phone into her pocket.

“Huh?”  
“That’s it?”

Tomoe and Himari stared at their friend in disbelief as she made her way towards the door. When Moca walked into the living room without a hint of hesitation, they followed her. True to her word, Tsugumi was no longer holding her ground on the second floor. In fact, Tsugumi was nowhere to be seen.

“Do I ask? Do I want to know?” Himari wondered aloud. She debated raising her gun at Moca still, and only lowered her arm when Tomoe glanced back at her.

Moca shrugged, her words dragging just as sleepily as the rest of her body as she made her way to the staircase. “What’s there to say, really? I’m simply that blessed to have a guardian angel watching over me in this mad, mad world.”

“She did keep her promise,” Tomoe reasoned to Himari.

“Oh, Tomoe, you sweet summer child,” Himari sighed disapprovingly, hand reaching up to pet her on the head. Tomoe didn’t know how to react, besides bow her head and accept Himari’s affections. Himari then took the lead as she ascended the staircase behind Moca, combing her fingers along Tomoe’s hair. She teased the end of the hair strand around an index finger. “Do I have to remind you this is war?”

“Does that mean you don’t trust me either?” Tomoe questioned, her eyes never leaving Himari. This was all an act, of course, but wow, with the confident way that Himari looked at her, Tomoe didn’t mind seeing this side of Himari either.

“You dummy. You almost gave up your life, all so that I could get to the garage,” Himari booped a finger on Tomoe’s nose. “I trust you with my life.”

“Oh, yeah,” Tomoe grasped Himari’s hand and held it in her own. “same.”

Moca yawned, picking up Tsugumi’s fallen snipe gun and hoisting it over her torso. Really, the fact that Tsugumi had even left her gun behind raised multiple red flags. “As usual, Tomo-chin has such a way with her words.”

“Oh, shut up. I’m the one vouching for you here,” Tomoe snarked.

“Yes, yes, can’t you feel my eternal gratitude radiating from me?”

“I wish I could.”

With that, the trio kept quiet on their way to Tomoe’s room. One of the few bedrooms in the house that had a lock, it was the ultimate destination for all Nerf war soldiers to find sanctuary. If they reached her room, they would have the high ground  _and_ a barricade. It was easily the best place to camp. The problem, however, was that every participant knew of the room’s special status as well. And in a brutal war such as this one, people took advantage wherever they could.

There were those who monitored from above, hoping to snipe the unsuspecting.

And even more, the kind who wait for defenses to drop at the last second.

“Tell me one thing, Moca,” Himari raised her gun to Moca’s back.

“H-Himari?!” Tomoe exclaimed.

Their bread-loving, sleep-prone compatriot slowed to a stop, but she didn’t bother to turn around. Something was off about this situation. And Tomoe didn’t like it.

“Tell me about this guardian angel of yours,” Himari demanded.

“Ahhh, let’s see. They’re on the quiet side, and rough around the edges. Sometimes too rough, y’know. They’ll say things without meaning it because they’re so passionate. Ohohh, so passionate and intense, are they…” Moca’s voice was far too relaxed for how tense Tomoe felt as the girl finally turned around. “They’re watching over you too.”

Tomoe readied her gun alongside Himari. Now she  _really_ didn’t like the sound of that. Moca had a knack for making things sound worse than they were for the sole fact of wanting to see the reactions, but this, this was too off-putting, even for her. It almost sounded as if she were giving out a warning, or even worse, setting up for something else.

A chill ran down Tomoe’s spine as if someone were staring at her from behind. The books she’d read as a kid had always described it as goosebumps and a sense of foreboding, but she wasn’t prepared for the electric shock that booted her senses.

There was no time to warn Himari.

An angry yell erupted behind them as Tomoe surged ahead, an arm at Himari’s knees and scooping her up. She used the forward momentum to laugh-yell at a bewildered Moca, and then Himari was screaming in confusion, and all hell broke loose. Nerf bullets wedged onto the wall beside them. Moca stumbled to the side.

“Go, Ran, gooo,” Moca cheered from the floor.

“You’re supposed to be helping!!” Ran barked at her.

Tomoe continued to run. Ran’s aim tended to fall off at this distance, but the fact that Moca still had Tsugumi’s sniper on her meant they couldn’t rest yet. Despite that, Himari laughed in Tomoe’s arms, priming her gun and aiming it over her shoulder. Ran and Himari traded feeble shots against one another, as Moca commentated and Tomoe ran for her life.

“That’s it,” Ran declared. She pocketed her gun and chased after them.

“They’re onto us!” Himari held Tomoe close, giggling against her.

“On it!”

Tomoe kicked her bedroom door open, tossing Himari onto her feet before jerking to the side. Sweaty hands gripped the doorknob. With way too much force, Tomoe slammed the door shut, but not without seeing one last glimpse of Ran ferociously charging at her. Shaking from adrenaline, Tomoe somehow found the dexterity to lock the door.

Angry banging on her door followed.

“They won’t actually kill us,” Himari whispered, having stumbled onto Tomoe’s bed. “right?”

Ran’s banging continued for a heavy, suspenseful moment more. Then Moca began mumbling about something just outside, and it grew quiet. Tomoe wouldn’t dare open the door to check if they were still there.

Himari had other ideas, though. “What did you do to Tsugu?!” she yelled at the closed door.

“I got rid of her,” Ran muttered right beside the door. Tomoe took five steps back. “like I will with you.”

“We’re dead,” Tomoe stated.

“She’s with Ako-chan, don’t worry about her, hehe,” Moca’s calm interjection didn’t help their doomed demise.

“You’re saying we’re dead? After all we’ve been through?” Himari was shocked—was it hard to see why? Ran declaring a death sentence was the worse fate to come across in a Nerf war. There were no get out of jail for free cards, or extra lives. No, when Ran decided that you were dying at their hands, there was no escaping fate.

Himari shook her head. “No.”

“No?” Tomoe turned to find that Himari had stood up now.

“Remember what we said about having each other’s backs?”

Tomoe’s heart twinged at that. For an act, these words were awfully reminiscent of the conversation they had the other day. It wound Tomoe back to a falling sky, a broken piece, the overwhelming sense that it was too much to bottle in. Now she remembered that these Afterglow Nerf wars would soon be missing key players. This would be one of the last times they’d all be together, before things changed, and they couldn’t return to how it once was.

She wasn’t going anywhere, but it sure felt like everyone else was moving on.

“I remember,” Tomoe gave in, already taking the Nerf bullets out of her pockets.

“Good,” Himari said, jamming bullets into her own gun. They both took their time preparing for the final showdown. Since they weren’t real guns, their preparations were short, but for the sake of the moment, Tomoe and Himari held it.

Tomoe was still catching her breath after the chase. She watched Himari, tousled hair and a decisive look on her face, and wondered if the girl would stay the same after leaving for college. She was sociable, and attractive, and went out of her way to include others. Tomoe didn’t doubt that Himari could easily carve a new niche for herself. It wouldn’t take long for boys to notice her too.

At that thought, it felt like the entire room were collapsing on Tomoe, the weight of the sky crashing down above her. Was it always this hard to breathe?

Tomoe had the door lock between her fingers. “Ready to go?”

“Got your back, partner,” Himari exaggerated a wink.

“Me too,” Tomoe smiled back, even though she felt like crying.

This wasn’t how the climactic showdown was supposed to go. The main character was supposed to be heroic. The main character was supposed to win, prepared to do anything to keep their happiness safe. But the vastness of a future without Himari by her side stretched to the horizon. The fragmented sky cracked, before it shattered into pieces. In its broken state, the sky revealed behind it the blackest outer space, and Tomoe was falling into it, gravity lost, and ground forgotten.

Tomoe flung the door open. With Himari beside her, guns blazing with bright orange Nerf bullets, and Ran and Moca retaliating with their own Nerf barrage, Tomoe let herself roll with the moment.

At least for now, she was surrounded by the people she loved. At least for now, that would be enough.

…

Himari laid spread-eagle on Tomoe’s bed.

Save for the bedside lamp, the only other source of light was the laptop beside her. The dance number for Dancing Queen was playing on its screen, but Himari wasn’t singing along, and Tomoe wasn’t paying attention.  _Mamma Mia_ lay forgotten between the two of them once more. Himari had every right to be annoyed by this, and yet, no words came to her. And so, Himari sprawled herself on the bed.

Tomoe sat on the floor, resting against the bed. Himari stretched an arm out and rested a hand atop of the other girl.

“Still upset that we lost our dessert to Ran?” Himari mumbled.

“Nah. It’s funny how riled up they get over the smallest things, though.”

A quick peek at her laptop indicated that it was two in the morning. Himari hadn’t meant to sleepover. Ran and Moca left after dinner, saying they wanted to celebrate their win at Yamabuki Bakery, while Sayo picked Tsugumi up later in the evening. As for Himari, helping with the dishes turned into gossiping with the Udagawa siblings which ended with Tomoe insisting it was getting late anyway, and she found no reason to refuse.

Though Tomoe’s bed wasn’t memory foam, Himari felt like she was hovering, her body as light as a feather. The only thing keeping her from floating away was her hand on Tomoe.

Himari fisted that hand, knuckles knocking lightly on the crown of Tomoe’s head. “Hey sleepyhead,” she prodded with no real conviction. “Come up here, I’m getting lonely.”

“Are you now?” Tomoe placed her hands on her knees, before pushing herself up onto her feet. She picked up Himari’s laptop, shutting it off for her and placing it on the table. Only then did Tomoe turn towards the bed, finding Himari scooted to one side and gesturing to her with open arms.

“Super lonely,” Himari confirmed. “Come on, every second without you is breaking my heart, you know.”

“I wouldn’t want that,” Tomoe laughed, falling onto the mattress.

They untangled their limbs and readjusted themselves until they were both comfortable, Tomoe with her hands behind her head and Himari on her side, resting her head on the inside of Tomoe’s shoulder. Himari placed a hand on Tomoe’s stomach, drawing small, idle circles with a finger. When Tomoe exhaled deeply, Himari felt it in her diaphragm, and for now, they stayed like this.

“I wanna hear your drums tomorrow,” Himari buried herself into Tomoe, whispering the words against her skin.

“Your bass is still here from last time too,” Tomoe added.

Himari followed Tomoe’s upward gaze and found glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. She hadn’t looked up at these stars in years. It was like they were in middle school again, making pillow forts and pretending to find constellations in these teeny tiny stars. Were the stars smaller now, or had they grown up that much?

“Turn off the lights,” she whispered, and Tomoe complied wordlessly, a hand flicking the lamp off. Immediately, they were bathed in darkness. Himari blinked her eyes to adjust. Before long, the stars speckled into her vision, spreading all over the ceiling. Their yellow-green glow was weaker, more insignificant, than Himari remembered.

“Let’s go see real stars next time,” she murmured, thinking of what they could do the day after tomorrow already.

“It’s my turn to pick the movie we watch,” Tomoe continued.

“And we can try out that new restaurant,” Himari resumed drawing circles on Tomoe.

Tomoe chuckled, close and quiet. “I’ll pay for the tickets if you buy our food.”

“Pay for the popcorn,” Himari threw in. “then it’s a deal.”

“Deal,” Tomoe shifted to rest a hand on Himari’s back, and Himari herself nestled closer.

Himari didn’t know what she was going to do once she could no longer take these spontaneous sleepovers with Tomoe for granted. How could she return to a life without Tomoe, or anyone else in their friend group, when she could hardly remember it? It was like demanding that she carve out a piece of her heart and leave it on the counter, only to pick it up when she came back on breaks. The conclusion that Himari was trying to reach—it was that it would be hard.

In the darkness, Himari found herself tumbling through outer space once again.

Yellow, green stars colored the otherwise endless black. If it weren’t for the faint light of these stars reflecting on the incoming asteroids, Himari wouldn’t have seen them. She thought quickly, floating from asteroid to asteroid as if they were stepping stones. Her movements were sluggish. She wanted to dodge these rocks, even attempt to push them away, but they were improbably larger than her. Himari instead rolled with the punches, hopping on the remaining asteroids of the cluster.

At the last one—a giant one with a long, flat side—Himari landed with both her feet and began to run.

Himari wasn’t sure where she was headed once she jumped off this final asteroid, but she had no choice but to go forward. So that was what she did, pushing herself away from the asteroid with outstretched arms.

She slowed to inertia immediately. She was in no hurry, though, so Himari relaxed, losing herself in outer space. Flecks of stardust drifted past her. Though small, the tiny yellow-green particles were many, and they soon surrounded Himari with a soft glow. She waved an arm around and found that the stardust swirled in tiny circles. And just like that, the massiveness of the universe didn’t feel as lonely anymore.

Himari knew that she couldn’t stay encased within the stardust forever. From within her helmet, she thanked the inanimate objects for keeping her company, and turned a full circle to decide her next direction.

At a point where the stardust trickled off, she saw someone.

Not something, or some place, it was someone. Someone familiar.

Someone that Himari never imagined she would find in outer space, much less by her lonesome. Himari pulled her ankles up to her shins, the same moment that she swept her arms outward. She extended her legs, she contracted her arms, and slowly, she moved towards this other person. Once she was out of the stardust, Himari let herself drift.

Now that she was closer, she found that the other person was curled into a tight ball. Even stranger yet—she wasn’t wearing a space suit. No helmet to protect her from the elements, no air tank to give her oxygen.

Her heart jumped in her chest, beating, beating like a ticking time bomb, scared that Himari would forget it. Where her suit once made her feel safe, she now felt trapped when they made eye contact. Neither was sure of how to react. Was Himari the one upside-down, or was it her? They hovered near each other, as if they had their own gravitational pull and were keeping each other in check.

Himari dared ask if it was her.

“Tomoe?”

“You’re still awake too?” Tomoe sounded tired, but her reply was prompt.

“Yeah,” she answered, heartbeat slowing down. Was Tomoe not sleepy? Himari wondered if Tomoe was the same as her, and something were keeping her up. “What’re you thinking about?”

“Huh,” Tomoe weighed the question, as if she were rolling it over and about for the best answer. Himari didn’t know if there was a wrong answer to begin with, but she didn’t push Tomoe, staring into the dark. Tomoe eventually made up her mind as she finally answered with, “I was thinking that I don’t want these days to end.”

“Like, before university begins?” Himari put words to her own thoughts.

Tomoe retracted herself out of their embrace and moved so that they were facing each other. It was too dark to see Tomoe in full. Himari could imagine her, though, filling in the blanks where her eyes could not. Her expression was the only part that Himari couldn’t picture. “Yeah, that. It’s been on my mind a lot lately. About how I won’t see you everyday anymore, or how quickly things will change.”

“And you’ve been keeping this to yourself…” Himari raised a hand to her face. Her fingers ghosted the edge of Tomoe’s lips. She was smiling. Himari continued to caress her face, a thumb brushing against her cheek.

“I know how much you try so I don’t feel that way,” Tomoe’s hand came to rest atop of Himari’s, keeping her hand in place on her cheek. It might have been the darkness, giving Tomoe the last push that she needed to speak up. “I really appreciate it, Himari. Because of you, I want to be a little more mature about these things.”

“You’ve always been a kid at heart,” Himari leaned her head against Tomoe’s chest. The rapid beating of her heart mirrored Himari’s, and a sliver of a thought crossed her mind, wondering what exactly they had to be nervous about.

“You’re right about that,” Tomoe released a shaky breath. She stroked Himari’s back, fingers tracing along her spine before resting her palm between her shoulder blades.

Himari realized that Tomoe was stalling for time. For all her confidence and reassuring words, she still had her moments of weaknesses. Himari accepted this side of her too. Where would either of them be if they weren’t looking out for each other? She didn’t know what else Tomoe had to say, but she went with her gut feeling, coaxing Tomoe with, “I promise I’m not going anywhere, okay? What’s on your mind?”

“Do you mean that?” Tomoe asked, a quiet voice and a frail question.

“You can’t get rid of me,” Himari answered, genuine and a little naïve.

Tomoe took in a deep breath, and Himari pulled back, staring at a face she couldn’t see. Himari still had her hand on Tomoe’s cheek, and she pinched softly, eliciting a chuckle out of the other girl.

In the calmest voice that Himari had ever heard her speak with, Tomoe said, “I— I like girls.”

Was that why it felt so surprising to Himari? It took her a couple of seconds to register the words, and by then, Tomoe had gained more composure. “I think I always have? Even when I was younger. All the girls in our class talked about their crushes on boys, and I started to wonder why I didn’t have a crush yet. And then I realized… I wasn’t looking at the right people.”

The only reply that came to Himari was a simple, “Oh.”

Her mind raced, scrambling to find anything to say. Out of nowhere, Himari remembered what gravity was, and she was surging, the velocity of her fall increasing as she was torn away from Tomoe and thrust against the asteroids. Her back stung from the impact. She continued her descent. Her body went limp and her brain felt numb. She was crashing face first into a foreign planet.

“Thank you for telling me,” Himari embraced the girl into a tight hug. The wind roared in her ears when she breached the stratosphere. She was falling so fast that it jerked tears from her eyes, but she hugged Tomoe for all that it was worth. “Does anyone else know?”

“No. No, you’re the first person I wanted to tell,” Tomoe returned the hug in full, pressing her entire self into their embrace. She wrapped her arms around Himari. She choked on a syllable, before settling with a laugh. She held onto Himari as if she could express everything through it. This, whatever this was, meant a lot to her. Though winded and confused, Himari could tell at least this much.

So why did Himari feel conflicted?

“We should sleep soon,” Tomoe decided. She made no indication that she would be moving anytime soon. Tomoe sounded like she was on top of the world. She could be outside of it, even, towards a different galaxy altogether.

In stark contrast, Himari plunged to the surface, unable to do anything except feebly call out for the other girl. Though Tomoe could not be any closer, she couldn’t feel any further away.

“Yeah… we can talk later,” she agreed, getting comfortable in each other’s arms. “Goodnight, Tomoe.”

Falling fast asleep, Himari didn’t expect gravity to hurt as much as it did.

…

When morning came, Himari expected to have crashed and burned. It was a rough landing onto the planet’s surface. If she wasn’t dead, she was gravely injured, quite even possibly beyond repair. Any hope of surviving was out of the window.

She opened her eyes.

Sun was peeking in through the window.

Both Himari and Tomoe had their arms around each other. At some point during the night, one or both of them had kicked the blanket to the side, before seeking the other girl for warmth. Himari wanted to deny it, reasoning that it must be uncomfortable (probably), or how she’d feel bad for waking Tomoe, but the claims died in her throat when she snuggled closer. It was safe, and warm, and nothing was wrong about this.

Ugh. Tomoe was criminally, unlawfully wonderful.

And Tomoe liked girls.

Her stomach churned at the thought. It wasn’t as if Himari hadn’t heard of the rumors, of girls seeking companionship in an all-girls school. It was something that never concerned her, though, so Himari didn’t spare a second thought. That is, not until it was someone she knew. Not until it was her best friend.

Didn’t that make Tomoe an exception? She’d never turn Tomoe away. Their bond was like a blood pact, sworn to oath, with neither the blood nor the swearing—Himari had always imagined Tomoe beside her.

But if Himari accepting Tomoe hinged on the fact that they were best friends, what did that mean for every other girl?

That was it. Himari couldn’t stay in bed any longer. She lifted Tomoe’s arm and slipped out, not wanting to hesitate and risk waking her. She’d freshen up before Tomoe. She’d clear her head before they had a proper conversation. Himari nearly left to do that. That is, until the discarded blanket caught her eye. “This is, uh, so you don’t get cold without me,” Himari explained to the sleeping Tomoe, snatching the blanket and covering the girl with it.

Immediately, Tomoe pulled the blanket closer, content in whatever dream she was having.

Himari just about dashed to the bathroom. It was a blanket!! Why did it feel like the world had stopped, or something catastrophic had happened, or why was she paying more attention to that kind of stuff? This was weird. Or it wasn’t, and everything was normal. It was Himari that was acting odd, thrown out of orbit and toppling on unfamiliar ground.

She locked the bathroom door and made her way over to the sink.  _Get ahold of yourself, Himari Uehara,_ she told herself. This is Tomoe Udagawa, the girl that she’d grown up with. The same Tomoe that loved ramen, the same one that cared too much and spoke too much. Himari had already seen the best and worst of this girl. These facts about Tomoe wouldn’t change overnight. Her coming out didn’t change anything, right?

Himari rinsed her mouth of toothpaste. She splashed water onto her face, grabbing a face towel and drying up. Then she stared at herself in the mirror.

Right?

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. “Himari?”

“Hey, Tomoe,” she answered, praying to any higher power that her nervousness didn’t show in her voice.

“Ako’s making breakfast downstairs after you’re done,” Tomoe spoke as if there was nothing wrong with the world. Maybe she was right. Maybe the world was at peace. If that was how it was, that could only mean one thing. It wasn’t the universe that was off-balance, Himari slapped her forehead in exasperation, it was her.

“Yeah, I’m done,” Himari hung her towel on the rack, unlocking the bathroom door.

Tomoe was leaning against the wall, but at the door opening she stood to greet Himari. Oh nooo. Oh jeez. Tomoe smiled at her, in the weightless, happy way that she hadn’t for awhile now. The entirety of Tomoe seemed to lift along with that smile. It made Himari’s heart squeeze. It was painful, because it made Himari happy too. Coming out must’ve been weighing on her mind.

“Morning,” Tomoe whispered, as if they were sharing a secret. She sounded like she’d given the entire world to Himari.

“You’re in the way, dummy,” Himari placed a hand on Tomoe and pushed her backward. Tomoe went along with it, laughing as she backed up. Then, as though frightened that the secret would topple onto its side and spill more than it should, Himari whispered back, “Good morning to you too.”

“You should check in on Ako,” Tomoe said listlessly. Her mind wasn’t thinking about breakfast or Ako as she leaned towards Himari.

She felt her face warm up. Wasn’t this cruel and unusual punishment? Did Tomoe know what she was doing to her? “And you,” Himari ducked away from Tomoe and started towards the staircase. “should brush your teeth. Your breath stinks!”

“It can’t be that bad,” Tomoe called after her. Himari reached the bottom of the stairs before she heard Tomoe mumble again, “Okay, maybe it is that bad.”

And some things, time tested and true, stayed the same.

Down the hall and into the kitchen, Himari found Ako at the stove, stirring something in a pot. At her entrance, the younger girl raised her ladle. She struck a pose. Hoh. Super cool. Ako was straight out of a cooking show, apron and all. “It’s miso soup!!”

Himari posed in return, echoing “It’s miso soup!” before making her way to the cabinet. She grabbed three bowls. “What else are we having today, Ako-chan?”

Ako hummed for a moment, turning back to the pot. Her voice swelled in emotion as she stirred the soup once more, “In this desolate land, we are haunted, strapped for rations. But the great necromancer Ako Udagawa has come across a bountiful harvest…!!” She pointed at Himari, who saluted. “Grab the plates! We must divvy the grains and— and descend upon our prey-!”

Himari came up next to Ako to find that she’d already cooked rice and eggs. She elbowed Ako, winking up at her. “You’ve been getting better at that, huh!”

“You think?” Ako brightened up at her words.

“Yup. You’ve grown up so much, Ako-chan, I can hardly believe it,” Himari bumped hips with her as she reached for the dish cabinet.

Tomoe joined them shortly after, fresh out of the shower. Ako talked in length about her gaming streams with Rinko. She poured their miso soup into bowls, distributing them shakily in her eagerness, but neither Tomoe nor Himari complained. It was good to see Ako excited. She was so swept up in her various activities that she hadn’t yet realized how amazing she already was. By the time they began to eat, Ako brought up Yukina declining worldwide offers for Roselia.

“Really?” Himari gawked at that. That didn’t sound like a type of offer to decline easily.

“Mm,” Ako sipped some soup, setting the bowl down quickly so she could continue talking. “She’s not even entertaining the thought until I finish high school.”

Tomoe nodded sagely. “I knew I could trust Yukina-san.”

“Obviously that just goes to show that Roselia and Ako-chan are inseparable!” Himari clacked her chopsticks together, to which Ako raised a fist in camaraderie. Tomoe scooped rice into her mouth calmly, still playing up the older sister role and not wanting to be too enthusiastic for such a huge decision. This was where Himari came in, of course, as the last piece to this jigsaw puzzle. “Well, whatever the band decides to do after you graduate, just don’t grow up too fast, okay! Enjoy your last year of high school.”

“I think the better way to put it is,” Ako says, grinning as if she had this answer prepared for this moment. “don’t forget to stay young!! I thought of that last night with Rinrin.”

“Aw… This is Ako-chan we’re talking to,” Himari rolled her eyes as she turned to Tomoe. Ako rubbed her nose smugly. “Even if we wanted to worry, she’s got a good head on her shoulders. She knows.”

“It’s our job to worry anyway,” Tomoe kicked her playfully under the table.

She latched onto the fact that Tomoe included her in that as well.

Himari settled into her chair, laughing at the little things. Ako complained about the eggs she cooked herself, while Tomoe warned her not to waste food, but not without Himari interjecting that both sisters ate enough to compensate for their outrageous growth spurts. They had nothing to say against that. Tomoe picked up her miso soup gingerly, Ako ate the sunny-side-up egg obediently.

And Himari felt a tiny idea blossom within her heart, secure and profound despite every other turbulent emotion inside of her, and it was that she had a place at this dinner table.

The fact alone steadied Himari.

…

She absentmindedly tuned her bass as Tomoe warmed up on the drums.

Breakfast with the sisters had calmed Himari down, but now they were alone in the garage. There were no younger sisters to keep them occupied. No, the inevitable conversation loomed ahead of them, an ominous gray cloud approaching fast. Himari didn’t think her heart was ready, didn’t know how to approach Tomoe about any of it.

“Ready?” Tomoe raised her drumsticks.

Himari stood up, testing each string one by one. Satisfied with the sound, she plugged her bass into the amp, tugging her hair from beneath the shoulder strap. “I’m a little rusty,” she admitted, hands falling into familiar positions. “But ready when you are.”

“It’ll come back quick,” Tomoe reassured her.

She counted off on the hi-hats, before starting off on a quarter beat. Himari closed her eyes. Tomoe was exploring, testing what felt right, until finally settling on a rhythm. Himari had no concrete way to prove this, but she could sense Tomoe in her drumming, unbridled and surging ahead.

When Himari got the feel of it, her fingers pressed down on the fret. For a single, stolen moment, her breath caught in her throat. It was always like this—like she was about to fall over an edge, in that instant before her instrument made sound. Then she plucked her bass, and air filled her lungs. It didn’t take long for her to match Tomoe.

Before either of them got too comfortable, Tomoe switched it up with a faster beat and more pronounced cymbals.

And Himari followed up with her bass, taking the space that Tomoe created. Tomoe hollered in encouragement as Himari attempted to take the lead, though she stumbled near the peak, her fingers not used to hard slaps anymore.

Tomoe was right behind her, throwing together a drum fill until Himari jumped in again.

This was how their relationship worked, wasn’t it? Running ahead because it was within their grasp, stumbling because they hadn’t checked where their feet landed, and keeping each other afloat because they wanted no one else. It was no surprise that it seeped into their instruments and into their band’s sound.

They played off one another for a bit, giving and taking and returning. Then Himari teetered off, and Tomoe caught on, falling back onto her snares.

The garage felt larger once Tomoe placed her drumsticks down. The lack of drums and bass made it feel emptier than it was before, and Himari basked in it, lifting the strap over her shoulder. She felt Tomoe’s eyes on her as she set her bass on its stand, and she met her gaze when she turned around.

Tomoe sat behind her drums, rolling her shoulder and sighing as the joint popped. “We sounded pretty good,” she commented, smiling at her.

Himari’s heart hammered in her ears. “I think so too.”

This was the moment, wasn’t it? It was time to continue their conversation from last night. Himari imagined the sky, only to find that it was shattered, and every part of outer space had leaked into the world. The stars laughed at her again. This time around, it felt cruel and distant. For someone who was used to companionship, the solitude in that moment only felt greater.

“Himari,” Tomoe spoke. It disarmed Himari. She could have spent every moment in her life preparing for this, and it wouldn’t be enough. Tomoe stared at her drums as she continued, “It must’ve been a shock, huh? Me coming out to you out of nowhere. I just wanted to say that I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, so if anything comes up, I want you to tell me.”

“I,” Himari started. It felt like a cruel joke as she said, “It’s not you, Tomoe.”

“What do you mean…?”

“Dummy!! I just said it’s not you who should feel bad!” Himari pressed her forearm against her eyes. She knew the warning signs, of her lip trembling and her eyes getting warm. She would  _not_ cry. This wasn’t about her. With her arm still held up, Himari turned away as she insisted, “You’re the best person I know, and if you happen to like girls too. Then that’s okay? You’re okay.”

“Then why are you crying?” Tomoe’s stool creaked as she stood from her drums, but Himari held up her other hand to stop her.

“I feel weird about it still,” Himari admitted, and it felt like every horrible thing happening at once. The band aid was ripped off. Her shin was kicked. Her answer was wrong on the test. She was telling her best friend that knowing someone was gay made her feel weird. Swiping her arm over her tears, Himari sighed. “I think you’re wonderful, Tomoe, but it feels icky. Like I shouldn’t think you’re fine the way you are, or that I might have a problem with it after all.”

After finally putting it into words, Himari felt disgusted with herself. “I’m the one who still has things to work through.”

“Himari, please look at me,” Tomoe closed the distance between the two of them. After a moment, she placed a hand on Himari’s shoulder. She made no move to force Himari around, but her fingers clutched Himari’s shirt, as if begging her to know she wasn’t alone.

The fight seeped out of Himari immediately, and she felt tired. She lowered her arm. “I just need to grow out of this,” Himari said.

“I don’t think that’s it.”

Himari looked at her at that, and it was as if Tomoe herself had thrown the final blow against the sky, so that there was no difference between what was the ground and what was space. She was tossed into limbo. Tomoe’s eyes were searching, her brows knitted together. The urgency in her gave rise into a different emotion, one that Himari never wanted to be the cause of. She was scared. Tomoe feared losing her.

And yet, Tomoe put herself on the line as she reached out to her once more. Himari saw it. Floating from beyond the stars, Tomoe’s arm was outstretched. “You think I’m okay the way I am, right?”

Himari nodded once.

“Then… then why can’t it be the same for you?” Tomoe grasped her other shoulder. She wanted Himari to understand, trying to impress upon her a message, a feeling, that would make things alright for her.

“Where is this going?” But Himari couldn’t see it, wiping her cheeks of the remaining tears.

“We’ve always been together,” the other girl squeezed her hold on Himari. Now Tomoe had planted her feet on the ground, for the sole sake of seeing Himari eye to eye, but she wasn’t ready for it. She wasn’t ready to see what Tomoe was implying. “What if our feelings are more alike than we thought?”

At this point, Himari stopped pretending.

She’d never been to outer space, weightless and unending, and she’d never seen a broken sky, frightening and beautiful. There was no space suit. There was no stardust. She edged around these feelings for far too long, and face to face, she didn’t know how to act. Himari shrugged out of Tomoe’s grasp, shaking her head.

“I think I need some time,” Himari started for the door. There were no asteroids, and there were no laughing stars. In their place was an unsettling burden that she’d been avoiding all this time.

“Himari…”

The garage door clicked shut behind her, and the sound of Tomoe’s voice lingered in Himari. It wasn’t angry, or frustrated. It was spoken just above a whisper, as if Tomoe had meant to call out for her but lost heart halfway.

With no bass or drums to fill the space, Himari felt empty.

…

Technically, it was a community event aimed for the elderly. Nothing on the flyers listed anything prohibiting recent high school graduates from attending, though, so they couldn’t turn her away. At least, that was what she was banking on.

She could really use a smile right now, and she could think of no better people to turn to.

Folding chairs were lined up in rows. Himari chose a seat in the back, not wanting to intrude too much. A group of elderly women had already taken residence in the row in front of her. They were laughing to themselves, talking about recent events. A grandchild was learning how to bake, one of them boasted. Wouldn’t their hands be too small? Was the mom helping them? The grandma waved her friends off. The kid wasn’t baking by themselves,  _of_   _course_. The cookies were burnt, and so small, but the kid had made them with her in mind. Cookies, she bragged, because it was a sweet gesture.

Her friends talked about baking something for the kid together, and their conversation dissolved into which dessert would be best.

Himari covered her smile with a hand. Would she grow up to be like that, still bickering even in old age? It was a funny thought. It put things into perspective, as if the words and things she did today didn’t matter in the long run, because they had all the time in the world.

Well.

Despite the change in perspective, some things were still impossible to ignore.

She leaned her head back, sighing. More elderly folk filtered into the room, and slowly, the chatter increased in volume. There was a certain life to it, from grandparents crooning and old friends discussing among themselves. It made her keenly aware of how young she was. Himari pulled out her phone, sending a quick text.

 **To: Michelle-san  
** **From: Himari Uehara**  
hey!!!  ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ i’m here at your performance, misaki-chan!!

 **To: Himari Uehara  
** **From: Michelle-san**  
i didn’t know you were above the age of 70 lol

 **To: Michelle-san  
** **From: Himari Uehara**  
ʕ -㉨- ʔ ohhh, don’t be like that..! anyway, i have a request!!! from one tennis club graduate to another. please listen to my plea!!

 **To: Himari Uehara**  
 **From: Michelle-san**  
stop sending me bears.

 **To: Himari Uehara  
** **From: Michelle-san**  
they’re my thing, not yours ʕ •`ᴥ•´ʔ

 **To: Himari Uehara  
** **From: Michelle-san**  
delete that text first. then tell me what’s up.

Himari chuckled at that, typing up her response. Really, Misaki wasn’t the first person she’d imagine becoming friends with. But not many girls their age chose the unusual combo of playing for a tennis club and playing in a band as their hobbies, and though they never went out of their way to hang out, it was a good friendship. It helped that Misaki was surprisingly fun to text too.

Her phone vibrated as the lights dimmed, and the elders around her hushed.

 **To: Himari Uehara  
** **From: Kanon Matsubara**  
Hello!! Misaki-chan had to get into costume  
But! She said she’ll bring you backstage after the show  
Hope you have fun o(^◇^)o

She shot a quick “thank you” in reply, slipping her phone into her pocket.

Once a spotlight swerved onstage, there was no turning back. Kokoro Tsurumaki was the first to appear. Packed into that lithe body of hers was too much energy, too much life brimming at its rim, and she was more than happy to share it with the senior citizens gathered today. She produced a shiny yellow baton from behind, twirling it around her fingers, looping it over shoulders, into the air. Himari clapped along with the audience as Kokoro executed a backflip before catching the spinning baton.

“We are Hello Happy World!” She announced, and the rest of the stage lights flickered on to reveal the rest of the band.

Their setlist was upbeat and energetic. Save for Kanon and Misaki, the other three band members stepped down from the platform and invited the elderly to join them. The grandmas in front of Himari were clapping in beat to the music. By the second song, most of the community center was in motion. It was relatively tame, considering the age demographic, but there was a naïve charm to this band that was impossible to deny.

Himari laughed, because she didn’t know what else to do. Just to the side, Kaoru was serenading seniors, while Hagumi played bass beside a grandpa on air guitar.

She stood up as the band transitioned to their next song, making a beeline for the stage. Kokoro was also climbing back onto the platform, alongside a couple of seniors, as they all broke out into dance. A few nurses stood nearby, but Himari noticed that even they were smiling too.

Himari never imagined that she’d be onstage again, much less with a flock of grandmas and a bear. But she had no room to complain, taking an elderly lady by the hand and slowly twirling her in place. The woman’s friends raised their voices, egging her on as she did the same for Himari, who bowed in return. Their laughter mixed with the music. And it fit right in.

Was it selfish of Himari, to seek happiness after running away?

The next song commenced with a fanfare of instruments, and every senior in the building returned to their seats. Did they know what was happening? Confused, Himari found herself alone onstage with the band. “Sorry! Let me sit back down too,” Himari started, but two hands grasped hers, keeping her in place.

She looked behind to see that Kokoro and Kaoru were holding her back. “But, my lady!” Kokoro proclaimed unabashedly, a hand to her chest. A few of the seniors in the crowd whispered in excitement. These community events happened rather often, at least enough that Himari would overlook them each time without another thought. Was this song a regular performance?

Kaoru joined in, pressing her lips on the back of Himari’s hand. “Please, won’t you stay and listen?”

“Huh?!” Himari glanced over Kokoro’s shoulder to see Kanon mouthing ‘sorry for this’, though she was smiling and not looking one bit apologetic either. She turned towards Michelle—the bear merely nodded, working the DJ table instead offering a hand.

Kokoro spoke into her mic, addressing the audience. “Now, for our last song, let’s have fun with  _Romeo_!!”

…

Michelle shoved both Kaoru and Himari out of the dressing room.

“Are you sure I can take her?” Himari questioned as Kaoru shrugged helplessly. “It’s right after your performance, too… I don’t mind waiting.”

The bear shook her head, waving a paw in farewell. “She won’t be getting anything done just sitting here,” Michelle nearly closed the door at that. Then, as if having second thoughts, peeked her pink bear head out again. “Consider your request paid back in full, yeah? For playing along with the show today. Just return Kaoru after you’re done.”

Kaoru looped an arm around her waist, leaning her head atop of Himari’s. “What an unexpected development…! A little kitten seeking me out for a secret rendezvous, how could I possibly say no to this? Let us go forth now, to somewhere we won’t be disturbed.”

Himari pulled the taller girl down into a hug. Kaoru was nothing like Tomoe. She didn’t have the muscles, and she had a better way with her words, but through her purple prose, there was a genuine kindness to Kaoru. Of all the people, she might just be the person Himari needed to talk to.

“I missed you too,” she said as they exited the building, and meaning it. “I mean, how has university been treating you?”

Kaoru led her to a bench down the path, gesturing for Himari to sit first. “Hahh, part-time university student, part-time rising theater actress! I lead an exciting life indeed. It allows me to come home and perform with Hello Happy World, so you’ll hear no complaints from me,” she brandished her words as if they were her weapons, an honorable knight donning its suit and sword. The smooth Kaoru of high school had only matured since graduating. Himari saw her peeking from the corner of her eye, before taking a seat beside her.

“Though I suspect this is not about me, is it?”

“Well…” Himari toed the ground, feeling the nervousness return. It was like her insides were knotted up. She identified it as guilt. Himari attempted to undo the knot, unsure of what she would find inside it. She placed her hands on her stomach, frowning. Himari had plenty of things to feel guilty over. It could be anything.

“You don’t have to push yourself,” Kaoru slid an arm around Himari’s shoulders, but she respected the space between them, not touching her unless Himari wanted it.

“Do you like girls, Kaoru-san?” she blurted the question out. Himari didn’t know how else to approach the heart of things, not without working through Kaoru. It would feel too personal, too vulnerable if she referred to herself just yet. “All this time, I didn’t think much of it. You’re handsome, and cool, and you pay attention to each girl like they’re the most important one in the room…”

“This is,” Kaoru pulled away from her, shielding her face from Himari. Her ears were pink. “unexpected, surely. Absolutely.”

“I-I’m not saying this as a confession! But,” Himari bit her lip, bowing her head. The knot in her stomach wouldn’t unravel, and instead grew more insistent, as if she might keel over from holding onto this burden. “something happened recently. I didn’t react well, and I may have hurt someone because I wasn’t ready to talk.”

“And you chose me to approach because it has to do with being a lesbian?”

Himari straightened her back. Kaoru had lowered her hand. Though she was still blushing, she looked Himari straight in the eyes. “Yes,” Himari admitted. The first loop to the knot came unraveled. The words felt foreign in her mouth as she repeated, “A friend came out as a lesbian.”

“Ah, I see now,” Kaoru nodded, as if she had somehow assessed the entire situation from that one fact. For a moment, they sat on that bench, digesting Himari’s words.

She felt obligated to speak up first. “I’m sorry for overstepping, Kaoru-san. It’s a private question to ask.”

“As the great bard once said,” the girl stood up, exclaiming her beloved phrase to the high heavens. Her voice lowered to a regular volume as she stood in front of Himari. She held a hand out for her. “’the course of true love never did run smooth’. So, entertain me, my little kitten, about this predicament of yours.”

“What do you mean?” Himari took Kaoru’s hand, and she was pulled to her feet.

“You say you weren’t ready to talk when your friend came out to you,” Kaoru squeezed her hand, letting it fall gracefully as she stepped away. In one smooth motion, Kaoru twirled and kneeled at Himari’s feet. “but there is the fact that you stand before me, asking me for advice. Does that not prove that you are willing to talk now?”

Himari blushed, despite herself. Kaoru knew she was attractive; she used it, even, to her advantage. “If it were that simple, Kaoru-san, I don’t think I’d be with you here right now.”

“Hm?” Kaoru looked up at her.

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Himari forced the words out. Her throat felt tight. She couldn’t hide the grimace on her face. But the memory of Tomoe calling for her persisted, and despite everything, Himari wanted to return to her with clearer thoughts.

“Let’s say I were a lesbian too,” Kaoru said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “would that change anything?”

There were things that even the suave Kaoru Seta couldn’t announce to the world.

Himari placed a hand atop of Kaoru’s head, before tracing her fingers along her jawline. She nudged Kaoru to look at her. It was a surprisingly candid look on her—no bravado, just another girl reaching out to another. “No, it doesn’t change anything,” Himari nudged Kaoru so that she stood from the ground. It was an honest answer.

“Then,” Kaoru was surprised. Her eyes were wide as she asked, “why are we here at all? Shouldn’t time be spent running back into the arms of your friend?”

Why? Why did Himari’s stomach churn at the thought of seeing Tomoe, why was she avoiding it by going to a Hello Happy World performance? Why was she seeking comfort and advice from who she had assumed was gay too? Himari felt like she was stuck at the top of a rollercoaster.

The wheels on the rollercoaster slowly crept into motion, metal clinking as it tipped over the height of the arc, and then Himari was falling, falling, falling fast as she was taken for a ride.

“I might be gay too.”

The rollercoaster jerked to the left, stealing her breath away.

Kaoru didn’t say anything, merely looked at her as she waited for more. It wasn’t up to her to decide what Himari wanted out of this conversation.

No, she had to figure this out herself.

“I don’t understand myself.”

Himari played with her hands. Her palm was sweaty. Her fingers squeezed too tight. Her eyes grew warm, then moist, and oh jeez, she was crying again. “I don’t think the problem is anyone coming out to me, but… when I start thinking about what it means for me, and how I’ve never considered it, I get—scared? Like, what does that say about me, when I can’t live with the possibility that I might be one too?”

There. It was all out in the open. And it scared her, because things fell into place. What was once a meaningless bundle of knots, became a string that tied everything together.

“Himari-chan,” Kaoru cooed. She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and pressed it into Himari’s hands. Of course, the great Kaoru Seta would have a handkerchief in her pocket for moments like this. “I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”

She wiped her tears with the handkerchief, nodding. Himari looked up to crimson eyes.

“You’re very brave for telling me this, and I thank you for trusting me,” Kaoru took the handkerchief from her, opting to hold her hand instead. In that instant, Himari understood keenly that Kaoru was her upperclassman. Though it was only by a year, Kaoru beheld her with open arms, with experience that Himari had yet to know.

Kaoru continued, her voice losing its extravagance and instead growing in sincerity. “I haven’t met a person who didn’t stumble while learning about themselves. It’s scary, isn’t it? I was scared too, once. Your friend must have been as well. At the end of the day, the only person who can decide on your identity is yourself. But you aren’t alone.”

She swept her arms around her in an arc. A smile blossomed on her face. “Please, listen when I say this. I know you’re a good person, Himari-chan, and though I can’t tell you what your next move should be, I can say that you should allow yourself this. When the time is right, approach your friend.”

Himari choked on a sob.

Had Tomoe gone through this, too? Beating herself up, doubting herself, and wishing it would go away?

She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Kaoru and mustering as much emotion as she could into the hug. There were no plans of actions. There were no space astronauts, but what she did have was her relationship with Tomoe. And that was something she would never give up on.

When the time was right, Himari would be ready to face her, and everything that came along with it.

…

The doorbell rang right as Himari set the oven to preheat.

For a moment, her heart seized. It’d been a few days since she slept over at the Udagawa residence, and in that time, Tomoe had given Himari the space that she asked for. She didn’t message, or call, or push her for a response.

She looked at the kitchen counter, making sure that everything was in place. The bag of flour, the baking soda—Himari had it all planned out. Nothing was out of place.

All that was left was to face Tomoe.

Wiping her hands on the apron, Himari shuffled over to the door, knowing that it could only be one person waiting for her. With her hand on the doorknob, Himari released a breath. She had enough time for herself. Now it was time to reach out to someone she had put on hold.

She opened it to find Tomoe, hands in pockets and looking sheepish. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail today. “Hi,” Tomoe said, cocking her head to the side.

Himari wanted to say too many things at once. She missed the red hair, that smile, the way that Tomoe was taller, but not towering. Words that sounded like apologies and confessions bubbled to the surface. None of them would’ve been the right first words to say. Even though they were getting older, Himari relied on their childhood bond in times like these.

She pointed a finger at Tomoe. “Today, we’re baking cookies from scratch!!” she declared, not leaving Tomoe a choice as she returned to the kitchen.

Tomoe closed the door behind her. It was a good sign if Tomoe hadn’t shot her down immediately. They both stood at the counter, staring down at the ingredients. Then came the incredulous response: “We’re making cookies, huh? And that’s it?”

The challenge: “If you don’t want any, you can go home right now.”

And the retaliation: “As if I could let you eat all these yourself.”

Himari smiled to herself. “Then you can go mix the butter and sugars. Add some eggs in after, okay?”

“Right.” Tomoe moved to the other counter to wash her hands.

They focused on their individual tasks. Himari had the easier job of creating the flour mixture, and she didn’t hesitate to admit that she was using Tomoe to her advantage. She listened to the steady sounds of a whisk as it scraped against the bowl.

It would be Himari to bring up the real conversation at hand. She owed that to Tomoe and herself, and yet for all her preparations, Himari couldn’t find the first words.

“Add this to yours,” she slid her bowl over to Tomoe, who began mixing the two without a pause.

How silly was she being?

Wasn’t her name Himari Uehara? The leader of Afterglow, the bassist that kept the band together? What was she hesitating for? All she had to do was act and follow through with her instinct. Sure, she might have had a plan. Maybe even a speech in her back pocket. But Tomoe hadn’t come out to her following guidelines.

Himari’s eyes landed on the bag of flour.

At the angle that Tomoe was, she had her back to Himari. It would be the perfect crime.

“Heyyy, Tomoee,” she said, scooping flour into her palm.

“’Sup?” Her unsuspecting prey was oblivious.

“ _Catch_!!” Himari yelled. She startled Tomoe enough that she swerved at that, only to be met with a fistful of flour. It exploded into a white cloud. When it cleared, the flour stuck to her hair. Before Tomoe had time to react, Himari tossed more flour at her. “You’re leaving your defenses wide open, Tomoe Udagawa!”

“Cut that off!” Tomoe laughed. She dusted her sleeves free of the powder.

“I don’t see why I should,” Himari wiggled a finger at her. She grabbed the box of brown sugar and raised it threateningly. It was then that Himari noticed the shift in mood—that they were looking each other in the eyes, even if it was to gauge if either would toss more ingredients into the fray. Himari grinned.

She flicked the box at Tomoe. A streak of brown sugar slashed across her chest.

“Don’t underestimate an Udagawa-!” Tomoe’s eyes lit up with a fire, and she did the unthinkable. She dipped her hand into the disgusting mixture of flour and eggs, and raised a fist, covered in the repulsive gray-brown concoction.

“Oh, you  _wouldn’t_ ,” Himari called on her bluff.

“C’mere, dork,” Tomoe lunged at her, and Himari attempted to run away, squealing when she was caught from behind. She yelped as something wet rested atop her head. She didn’t need to touch it herself to feel Tomoe wiping her hand all over her.

“You ruined the measurements,” Himari complained. Tomoe kept her arms firmly around her, laughing as Himari failed to escape. “and you’re getting the flour all over meee.”

“The flour that you threw at me?”

“I started the war,” Himari let herself go limp in Tomoe’s arms. “and now I die by it.”

“You can’t do that,” Tomoe’s words were confident, and it snapped Himari out of their little food war. Tomoe helped her stand up, and having established the closeness, they stayed near each other. “We made a suicide pact, didn’t we? If you go down, then I’m going with you.”

Himari didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh or to cry.

It was the smallest gesture. They were just role-playing at the time, and no one was taking it seriously. But the fact that Tomoe had held onto it, had brought it up at a time like this? Just how many other moments were there, where Tomoe had held onto her words like precious memories? In the end, Himari ended up laughing, bumping her head against Tomoe and unashamedly wiping the flour mixture onto her.

Tomoe joined her, chuckling at the mess that was her shirt. Their eyes caught one another.

And then everything felt right.

“Tomoe?” Himari whispered.

“Yeah?”

The words fell into Himari’s lap. With Tomoe by her side, it was as if things made sense again. She was here. They were here together. “I don’t know if I have everything figured out yet,” Himari started. “but I understand what you meant now. About our feelings being the same.”

“You’re not saying that because you want us to be friends again, right?” Tomoe was searching her again. Her expression was serious. “I can live with whatever your response is, I just want it to be yours.”

“These are my words,” she spoke up, wanting to be as clear as possible. “I’m sorry I walked out on you, Tomoe. It was awful of me, especially since you came out to me first. You trusted me, and I wasn’t there for you.”

Tomoe shook her head. “I didn’t end that day feeling like I chose the wrong person,” she said, a brazen grin making its way onto her flour-covered face.

Himari blinked, and suddenly she was in outer space again.

With no restraining gravity, she somersaulted in the expansiveness of space, letting this childish joy overcome her. Litter scattered the empty space around her. The shooting star looked like a nerf bullet, the stars glittered a weak green-yellow. A forgotten laptop played  _Mamma Mia_  to an audience of zero. A broken swing hovered by its lonesome.

A radio crackled from static, and then a drumbeat blared. The rhythm sparked with life, and Himari listened to it, following the radio simply because it felt right.

That was when she saw Tomoe.

“I might have been in love with you this whole time,” Tomoe declared. She sat with her legs crossed, rotating in circles. Her red hair flowed behind her, and she peeked at Himari with a secret smile.

“It better be more than ‘might have’!!” Himari shouted. She grasped at her collar, before flinging her helmet off. With that, she dived towards Tomoe. “I think it’s more of a ‘will always’ for me.”

They interlaced fingers, before Himari collided into Tomoe, and then they were rolling into space, completely unbidden.

“You’ll always love me?” Tomoe asked, starstruck.

“Isn’t it the same for you?” Himari instead spun the question back onto her.

The answer laid in the space between them, until Himari closed the distance, hugging Tomoe and surrounding herself with her presence. Then the answer lingered inside and all around them, and in everything that they shared.

Himari’s heart was bursting at its seams.

_Of course, of course, of course I’ll always love you._

**Author's Note:**

> I made a Curious Cat!! Send me prompts/ships, or anything if you wanna talk ^^ over here: [ https://curiouscat.me/fallouise](https://curiouscat.me/fallouise)
> 
> I tried something new!! What did you think? There are Too Many work notes to include here, but I do want to make clear that Ran is nonbinary in this fic (she/they pronouns). Time to move on to the next project... I affectionately called this story "space tomohimas," and now it's time to share it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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